there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
