brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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