Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
