Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
