ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
