Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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