Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
