you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
