Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
