My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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