Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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