My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
