So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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