Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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