He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
