I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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