I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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