things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
