WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
