come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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