there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
