Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
