i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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