I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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