so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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