Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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