yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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