My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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