my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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