and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
