i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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