i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
