Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
