i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Someone shit on the floor
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
