I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
