he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
