the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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