Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i think my cat just said my name.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
