there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
