you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
