She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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