I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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