I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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