Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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