What did we do last night that was yellow?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
