Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
