He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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