Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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