nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
