I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
