I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize