No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
