Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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