i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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