First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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