I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
