It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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