This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
