you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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