my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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