even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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