cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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