You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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