Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
