my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize