Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
