just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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