True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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